


The Hobo Princess

by TheVioletSunflower



Category: Down in Moonshine Holler, The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: Fix-it fic, M/M, because I really didn't like how this story ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:59:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4560318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVioletSunflower/pseuds/TheVioletSunflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or How it Should have Ended: Down in Moonshine Holler.</p><p>In which the hobo princess isn't quite as enthusiastic about being found as they hoped and Banjo discovers something about his true feelings toward his hobo mentor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hobo Princess

**Author's Note:**

> So I seriously hated the last episode of Down in Moonshine Holler. It made no sense, the hobo princess was won over far too easily, Gummy's daughter came out of nowhere, etc. So I decided to fix it! This is what I wanted out of a finale.

The train slowed to round a curve and two men jumped out of the twenty third box car, performing expert rolls upon landing to avoid twisted ankles.

The shorter man — the one with significantly fewer teeth than his companion — grinned up at his fellow tramp. "Apple pie!" he exclaimed. "Tha's the finest roll I ever seen, Banj!"

The corner of the other man's stately lips twitched up at the compliment in what was clearly a practiced look designed to acknowledge praise while maintaining an air of humility. "Why thank you, Gummy," he said. "But the praise should truly go to you. I could never have learned this vital skill without the aid of you, my hobo mentor."

"Ah know!" Gummy proclaimed. "Tha's what Ah'm tellin' ya!"

"Hey!" came a voice from behind them. "Whadder you two doin'!?"

"Excuse me, fair maiden," the younger man said. "My name is Banjo Bindlestuff and this is my companion Gummy." Gummy bowed deepy. Banjo continued. "We are but wandering vagabonds traveling this expansive land in search of Moonshine Holler."

The woman raised an eyebrow. "Why're y'all lookin fer Moonshine Holler?"

"I seek the hobo princess," Banjo explained. "I made her acquaintance many moons ago. She is my one true love and I wish to wed her."

"E's got er glove!" Gummy added.

The woman snorted. "Ah doubt the hobo princess'd be interested in you."

"Nonsense!" Banjo exclaimed. "We met at a grand party. We danced until midnight when she was taken from me at the twelfth strike of the hour leaving only this fingerless glove behind."

He held up a tiny black glove. The woman squinted at it, then at him. "Wait," she said. "Are you Jasper Mannerlodge?"

"What?" he asked, clearly uncomfortable. "I have no idea what you're talking about! Jasper who? I've never heard of the fellow! Why would you say anything so ridiculous?"

Gummy looked at him nervously.

"You are!" the woman declared. "You're Jasper Mannerlodge! Oh my god we met at one party! You been travellin' round lookin' fer me?"

"Wazza?" Gummy said, brow furrowed.

"I didn' even wanna dance with you!" she continued as if he hadn't spoken. "I was just there to get some pie from the buffet! An then yeh asked teh dance an Ah couldn' say no or yeh'd know Ah wasn' s'posed tah be there!"

Banjo put up his hands. "Slow down, madam. Are you telling me that you are the hobo princess?"

"Course Ah am!" she said. "You tellin' me ya think Ah'm yer 'true love' an ya don' even recognize mah face?"

Banjo shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other.

"What ya been doin'?" she demanded. "Goin' round ta every town in the country an askin' every woman who's poor an vaguely attractive if she's me?"

"No!" Banjo said quickly.

"Pretty much!" Gummy said at the same time.

Banjo glared at Gummy.

"Ah mean no!" he said quickly. "We ain't been talkin' ta nobody! In fact we ain't said nothin' t'even each other 'til now!"

Banjo sighed and turned back to the hobo princess. "I apologize, your highness. I was too smitten to recall your visage."

She rolled her eyes.

"However," he continued, "now that I have found you it is my hope that we may spend the rest of our lives learning each other's faces in their entirety."

"No!" she said.

"No?" Banjo and Gummy asked in unison.

"No!" she repeated. "Why would Ah marry a guy Ah only met once over a year ago?"

Banjo stared at her in stunned silence.

"An give me back mah glove!"

He lifted the glove slowly. She snatched it and left, giving him a look over her shoulder that clearly said what she thought of him.

The two men stood silently for a long time, watching her departing back.

"So Ah s'pose this's the end a the line then," Gummy finally said.

"What?" Banjo said, turning sharply.

"Yeh found yer hobo princess," Gummy said. "Tha's all yah needed me for."

He nodded slowly. "I understand, Gummy. If you wish me to leave, I will return home. You will of course receive compensation for the time you have spent mentoring me."

"Compen-whooza?" he asked.

"Money," Banjo told him. "Payment. For your time. You have been quite helpful to me in these past months."

Gummy shook his head. "Ah don' need none a yer money, Banj. Er, Jasper. Helpin' ya's bin as good as ten steamin' hot apple pies!"

Banjo gave his companion a warm smile and a hug. "May I say one more thing before I depart?"

"Sure thing! Sayin' things is the hobo way!"

Banjo nodded. "Gummy, you once told me that the only home a hobo has is the ones on his feet. But in this past year, I have learned that that is not entirely true. A hobo has a second home: the one in his heart. I have spent this year searching the country for a person whom I thought would fill that home. I realize now, however that my heart is already taken and has been for months."

Gummy raised his eyebrows. "Who's stole yer heart, Banj?" he asked. "Tell me, 'n Ah'll make 'em give it back!"

Banjo smiled at him fondly. "You have, Gummy," he said. "I realize now that it pains me more to be parted from you than it does to know that hobo princess does not return my affections. I believe that this entire time, I ought to have pursued a relationship with you rather than with the hobo princess."

Gummy grinned. "Ah feel the same, Banj!"

Banjo's eyebrows shot up. "You do?"

"Yeah!" he said. "Ah bin scared ta tell ya seein' as yeh bin chasin' the hobo princess."

A huge smile took over Banjo's face. "In that case, Gummy, would you consider forsaking my riches and traveling together forever?"

"Are ya suggestin' we get hobo married?" Gummy asked.

He nodded. "Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to get hobo married to you, Gummy."

"Apple pie!" Gummy exclaimed.

Banjo slid his gloved hand into Gummy's. "May I kiss you?" he asked.

He nodded. "That's the hobo way!"


End file.
